There will be a lot more circumstance and a lot less pomp with the 2017 election, because no A-list celebrities are willing to play. I assume Ted Nugent and Kid Rock are in the line up, but I haven’t heard if
Chachi Scott Baio will be there yet. Is Billy Bush available? I hear he could use a job. Maybe he could sing the National Anthem.
The so-called "A" list celebrities are all wanting tixs to the inauguration, but look what they did for Hillary, NOTHING. I want the PEOPLE!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 23, 2016
If you ask Trump though, it’s not that every celebrity is declining to participate! He didn’t want them anyway. Obviously a man of such tremendous reality TV prowess wouldn’t need celebrities to make his inauguration great.
Trump is going to make inaugurations great again all on his own. Qualified performers need not apply.
I mean, sure, we all enjoy the vocal stylings of Beyoncé but in a pinch, I think Ivanka could pull it off with panache.
Great move on delay (by V. Putin) – I always knew he was very smart!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 30, 2016
You’d think we’d all have realized by now that Trump and Putin’s relationship is more than platonic. Apparently, their love knows no bounds, least of all Twitter boundaries.
Since this love affair shows no signs of stopping, I thought we could use a drink to help us all cope. So enjoy our drink called The Putin’s Puppet. Pairs well with The 400-lb Hacker and The Russian Cyberattack. Serve with borscht and what’s left of your freedom.
by guest blogger, Alexander Hamilton’s Ghost
Jesus fucking Christ, America. Are you kidding me with this shit?
I was just a man. I wasn’t a prophet or a fortune teller. But even so, I could not have described Donald J. Trump more accurately than I did in Federalist 68. Would it have been easier for you to swallow if I had Tweeted it? Apparently the modern political attention span is limited to 140 characters. Maybe I should have written, “dudz ur fukt-no cheeto, faithless FTW!” Is that clear enough for you, Electors?
For 240 years – and without the benefit of the internet and other such forms of instantaneous mass communication – Americans managed to keep the republic secure against threats both foreign and domestic. And you just shat upon it in a manner most spectacular. I can’t even describe in mere words how hard I rolled in my grave when the only faithless electors were faithless against Madame Clinton
the most qualified individual to ever seek a woman in an eminent degree endowed with the requisite qualifications of the office of president! I was not talking about her, you dolts! I don’t know what this email thing is, or what a private server could be, but it doesn’t matter. Obviously most of you don’t, either.
My French counterpart, Joseph de Maistre, said, “Toute nation a le gouvernement qu’elle merite.” Every nation gets the government it deserves. America has become the nation of trucker hats and “reality” TV, of racism and
failing public schools, false piety, of ridiculously high military spending and obscenely high maternal and fetal mortality rates, of crushing debt and dismal wages. Slow fucking clap, you warped motley cowards, you rotting pestilent putrid cankers. You sure did manage to get the government you deserve this time.
How many Federalist Papers did I have to write? Apparently I missed one. Maybe I should have called it Federalist 86, Make Sure To Keep Your Heads Out of Your Asses.
There are not enough drinks in this whole book to get me drunk enough to forget this nightmare.