Did you ever get the feeling there is a giant hand stuck way up inside Donald Trump’s extra-large asshole? Like maybe, Trump’s evil twin’s hand is up there? His Russian evil twin. And that Donnie actually enjoys having a giant Russian hand up his ass?
Yeah, me too. And it makes me need a drink. A strong one. Or five.
If Trump didn’t have a hand up his ass, he wouldn’t be downplaying the Russian involvement with the elections by tweeting things like this?
“If Russia, or some other entity, was hacking, why did the White House wait so long to act? Why did they only complain after Hillary lost?”
Of course, anyone with a brain knows that’s not true. The administration announced its findings a month before Election Day. Although we should give the Trump Puppet some credit because he has a solid wooden head and he can’t hold that much information. Or any, for that matter.
And, if you need more proof that Trump is actually Putin’s Ass Puppet, take a look at this tweet:
“The thing I like best about Rex Tillerson is that he has vast experience at dealing successfully with all types of foreign governments.”
If only Trump were a real boy, he would know his appointed secretary of state, the ExxonMobile executive who made a 500 billion dollar oil deal with Putin, has been Putin’s best friend for the past three years. No problem there.
We only have a few more days left to dream, Americans. Because on Monday, December 19th, 2016, the Electoral College will have the opportunity to do their duty and break their pledge for the benefit of all humanity. The tension American’s feel right now is real, but the electors will probably let us down and an Ass Puppet will become President of the United States of America.
It’s going to take a lot of alcohol to survive the anxiety and depression caused by this puppet’s presidency.
You are going to need a strong drink for this one! The Ohio legislature passed a bill that bans abortion before a woman even knows she’s pregnant! Sorry all you people with ectopic pregnancies! Hope you like to die… because Ohio thinks that if you’d just not let blastocysts implant in your fallopian tubes you wouldn’t have this problem. Learn to control your children, ladies. (I say ladies, because men aren’t ever involved in the creation of babies. Right? We don’t need to punish them.)
Anyway, the governor of Ohio, a seemingly reasonable Republican compared to our new PEOTUS and VPEOTUS, even vetoed this bill. (I think Mike Pence just had an aneurysm.)
This kind of bill makes me need a drink. Pairings from the book include The Late Term or The Supreme Court. Both strong enough to keep you thoroughly sedated through your next unwanted pregnancy. Or just go with straight whiskey by the gallon. That’ll work too.
“We Are Going to End the EPA Intrusion Into Your Lives”
– Donald Trump
You know what I hate? Fresh air! And you know where I hate it? IN MY LUNGS! If the air I breathe isn’t giving me lung cancer, than I don’t want it.
I’m in luck, though, because President-Elect Trump has selected Scott Pruitt to lead the Environmental Protection Agency. Scott has some strong connections to the fossil fuel industry, and is going to help Trump stop all this clean air nonsense. Maybe he can work on restaurants too, so my kids and I can enjoy all that second hand smoke while we eat.
Relevant Drink: The Climate Denier