Zombie-Eyed Granny Starver, Paul Ryan, and his colleagues in the House passed a tax restructuring bill. So Drunk Publius has a cocktail in tribute to this audacious money grab. Now wait a minute y’all, this drink ain’t for everybody. Only the wealthy* people. So all you rich mothers, get on out there and drink. Drink I said!
The drink is as old as the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. But there are a few twists. You can’t pay for the drink yourself, and you have to mix it as quickly as you can without any poors or journalists really seeing what you’re doing. If you can arrange for an older man at the party to yell about the Bible and try to “date” a teenager while you’re mixing the drink, that would be ideal.
Finally, you should either steal the ingredients from your middle-class neighbors; pay for it by raiding their health, home, or college savings; or, in a pinch, take out a credit card in their name and fuckin’ finance it!
*Not you, people making $450,000 or less. According to House Republicans, you are “low and middle income.”
The GOP Tax Scam
- 2 ounces of the most expensive vodka you can “borrow” from your low/middle income friends and neighbors
- 5 ounces orange juice
- pinch of salt
- elephant tusk
In a shaker filled with ice, add the orange juice, vodka and salt. Shake well. Pour into hollow elephant tusk. Enjoy while planning your next elephant hunting safari.