Caged Baby

The Caged Baby is the drink for those nights when you wonder, “am I the bad guy?” And you definitely, definitely are. When you were grabbing some pussy, you told yourself, “actually, deep down, chicks dig it.” When you were hating on some black people, you told yourself, “I was just talking about the ‘bad’…

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Canadian Conflict

As Commodore Perry observed the last time we fought the Canadians, we have met the enemy, and he is us. (“Wasn’t Commodore Perry fighting the United Kingdom?” you might ask. Shut up, nerd.)  After 203 years, a relationship starts to get stale. Even a man renown the world over for his steadfast loyalties like President…

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Drunk Driver

The National Association of American Distilleries has released a new study that shows conclusively that the solution to alcoholism is to drink more alcohol. Therefore they are calling for new legislation that would address this public health crisis. NAAD spokesman, “‘Alcoholism’ is just a myth made up the Anti-Saloon League. And besides, what about people…

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Fuck you and your pre-existing condition

Tonight is the State of the Union address, given out by our 45th esteemed President, Donald J. Trump. Drunk Publius aims to become Drunker Publius for the festivities. Grab a copy of either volume of Cocktails for Survival (volume 1 or volume 2) and choose your favorite drink. Make a pitcher. Or three. Take a drink…

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Sippy Cup

Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me “old,” when I would NEVER call him “short and fat?” Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend – and maybe someday that will happen! Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States, November 11, 2017 Awww, did the poor president get his…

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Me Myself and I

The U. S. Virgin Islands is a magical place with cool breezes, super-extra white sandy beaches and ten hot submissive virgins for every presidential tourist. But the most magical of all the magical things about the Virgin Islands is that the ocean so calm and so clear that you can see almost see your own…

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Nambian Covfefe

“Nambia’s health system is increasingly self-sufficient.” – Donald Trump The Nambian Covfefe was brought to America by Nambian Ambassador, Frederick Douglass, who is doing an amazing job. This drink is one of the reasons we’ve been hearing more and more about him lately. (Another reason being, of course, his work with the widows of the Bowling…

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The Dump

‘Chatting with some members before a recent round of golf, he explained his frequent appearances: “That White House is a real dump.”‘ – golf.com It’s bad enough that you have to live in a place that’s filled with white nationalists and other incompetents. It’s hardly gilded at all. Not classy! Putting the “white” in White…

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Covfefe

The Covfefe 2 oz Vodkafefe 1⁄2 oz Simplefefe syrupfefe 1⁄2 oz Kahlúafefe 1 oz Freshlyfefe brewedfefe espressofefe Garmprk: Whole Covfefe Beams and Ambienfefe Whenever you get up to Tweet from the can in the middle of the night, take the Covfefe! It is the best drink when you whatsckrewtek conflabable Russgrikcord. And it can’t be…

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The Cowardly Ryan

There’s a lot of buzz about impeachment going around, and if you are getting excited about that we have a buzzkill for you. His name is Paul Ryan. To get an Impeachment, you need the cooperation of the Speaker of the House. Unfortunately, Mr. Ryan has the backbone of a jellyfish. Speaker Ryan would rather…

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