In a surprising turn of events, our Dear Leader President Donald J. Trump, nephew of super great genius Dr. John Trump, yesterday suggested that disinfectant might just be the solution to the COVID-19 pandemic. (He’s having people looking into it – you know, to clean out the lungs.) This is the kind of forward, progressive-thinking…

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In 1775 the Continental Army, formed by the Second Continental Congress after the start of the Revolutionary War, was created to coordinate a military force among all thirteen colonies to revolt against Great Britain’s rule. One of the first missions, of course, was securing the British controlled airports. You may remember from your history books…

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The Kavanaugh

If we were inclined to be brutally honest, this drink would be called the Rapey McDrinksalot and would be nothing but quaaludes and grain alcohol followed by gang rape and a job promotion. But, as honesty is not a requirement for a lifetime job as a Supreme Court Justice, we suppose it’s not required of…

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The FBI Raid

Some days you just can’t win. You’re going about your life, living the dream, hanging out with powerful people, paying off porn stars like it’s your job, and BAM, the FBI shows up on your doorstep and raids all your files. It’s a bummer. Have no fear, Mr. Cohen, we’re here to help. That’s what…

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A president, a porn star. Nothing surprises us here in the alternative universe we live in where Trump was elected president. Also, in this alternative universe, our president is as obsessed with watching television as he is with tweeting and boinking porn stars. For tonight’s entertainment beverage, we give you a porn star worthy drink…

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The Shutdown

So, the Republicans control the federal government, lock, stock, and barrel. (They really like guns.) But, they’re the kind of guys who could manage to fuck up a wet dream, couldn’t hit water if they fell out of a boat, and couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the…

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Native American Sensitivity Training

We know that it’s very difficult to remember how not to offend all of the various people in the world, but after Trump referred to Elizabeth Warren as “Pocahontas” during an event honoring WW2 Native American Veteran Code Talkers, and after Sarah Huckabee Sanders doubled down and said that calling someone Pocahontas isn’t a slur,…

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Mueller Time Drink

Judging from his rage, Trump is tweeting like a rat in a cage. The Arpaio Pardon, signalling Trump’s willingness to issue unjustified pardons to get his buddies out of trouble, was not enough to deter Robert Swan “Bob” Mueller III. “Bobby Three-Sticks” was director of the FBI from 2001 – 2013, appointed by George W. Bush…

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The Yuge

45 is obsessed with size. OBSESSED. It’s only slightly scary. Yesterday while speaking about Hurricane Harvey in Texas he even commented on the crowd size. “What a crowd, what a turnout,” he said. Because you know the only thing that matters to people who have been sitting waist deep in water in their living room…

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Fire and Fury

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, Creeps in this manic pace from crisis to crisis, To the end of a hopefully abbreviated term; If Trump is allowed to continue, the fools who support him, Guam, and the rest of the world alike will be facing a dusty death. He is a poor player, strutting and preening…

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