The Cowardly Ryan

There’s a lot of buzz about impeachment going around, and if you are getting excited about that we have a buzzkill for you. His name is Paul Ryan. To get an Impeachment, you need the cooperation of the Speaker of the House. Unfortunately, Mr. Ryan has the backbone of a jellyfish. Speaker Ryan would rather have a lying, bigoted, misogynistic, xenophobic, incompetent, justice obstructing, security information leaking Russian stooge as President than muster up the courage necessary to do his job.

For this reason, we’ve developed a cocktail especially for Paul Ryan. It will fortify him for his morning P90X and will mix well with the flavor of the President’s ass on his lips.

The Cowardly RyanThe Cowardly Ryan


  • 1 scoop vanilla protein powder
  • 1 banana
  • 1/2 c. pineapple
  • 1 c. water
  • 1-2 shots Everclear

Add a cup of ice to a blender with protein powder, banana, pineapple and water. When it’s smooth and frothy, pour into glass and stir in Everclear.

After your morning workout, you need something tasty and full of protein to get the most bang for your buck, but you also need something to fortify you for the ass-kissing you have to attend later in the afternoon.

Leave a Comment