The Mooch

Now that’s Spicy’s out, the Trump Administration needed to find someone who could up the ante, who could talk the talk, walk the walk, and who isn’t afraid of a little verbal diarrhea. Enter Anthony Scaramucci or “The Mooch.”

His first task was to immediately delete all his past tweets (great communication!) and profess his love for POTUS.

Task two, contact the New Yorker and go on a coke-fueled* rant about everyone in the White House.

“Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” Scaramucci said. He channelled Priebus as he spoke: “ ‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’ ”

“I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock,” he said, speaking of Trump’s chief strategist.

If this is what he says on-the-record, I’d hate to be in the room when he’s off-script. This guy is the perfect companion to the Pussy-Grabber-in-Chief. (These guys are a hoot at the Mother’s Day luncheon.) If we’re going to have to listen to this guy for any amount of time, we’re going to need a drink to help us figure out how to explain autofellatio to our kids.

The MoochThe Mooch


  • 1 1/2 ounces Jägermeister
  • 1 1/2 ounces 151-proof rum
  • 1 1/2 ounces Goldschlager
  • 1 1/2 ounces Rumple Minze
  • Optional: Penis straw

Add all ingredients to blender with a cup of ice. Blend well and then pour into cold hurricane glass.

Garnish with orange peel.


*Drunk Publius doesn’t actually know if The Mooch uses coke.  It’s just our assumption.

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