The Pussy-Grabber in Chief has a new vision for the Boy Scouts. In the good old days, we saw depictions of the dutiful Scout helping a little old lady cross the street. In Great-Again America™, Trump wants them to help liberate her from the oppression of health care. He used the Scout Jamboree as a platform to urge the kids to pressure their Senators to deprive millions of Americans of their insurance. Fortunately, if there is one thing we know from history, a right-wing leader using the nation’s youth to advance his own political interests never ends badly.
But it wasn’t all politics. The man knows his audience, regaling them with tales of a Manhattan cocktail party with “the hottest people in New York” attending. There is nothing more interesting to an outdoorsy twelve year old boy than the doings of attractive east coast socialites.
Trump is a brown-fingered Midas, turning everything he touches to shit. He will move on to his next whine, conspiracy, or Russian rendezvous. But the Scouts will be dealing with the fallout for quite some time. The leaders of the Scouts couldn’t, of course, have predicted how this would turn out. The Boy Scout Law states that a Scout is trustworthy, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Of these, Trump is possibly clean. So, of course they would invite a guy who is a raging antithesis of every other one of the qualities they purport to value.
While dealing with the inevitable fecal hurricane that follows Trump wherever he goes, we recommend that the Scout leaders steady their nerves with a drink we’re calling “The Jamboree.”
- 8 ounces lemon lime soda
- 2 ounces grenadine
- Maraschino cherries and lime wedges for garnish
Directions: Mix soda and grenadine, garnish with fruit.
Do not serve this to any Scouts under your supervision. Consider giving them ice cream.
But only one scoop.